Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Gone From My Sight

My dad is gone from my sight but forever in my heart. 

During his final months I was able to pour out my love and gratitude on him...this was nothing new. He always knew I loved and adored him. Thankfully we lived close to each other. In the final months I often sat at his feet or beside his bed. I needed to understand what was happening to him and his body...as if knowing would allow me to help him along the way. I learned a lot about dying...it's a road to be walked alone. I found two books very helpful. "Gone From My Sight" by Barbara Karnes and "Final Gifts" by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelley. 
My dad taught me to appreciate art. He dabbled in oils for a few years and later on became a serious art collector. He showed me through example that art was something of value to appreciate and enjoy. He knew what art meant to me and he was proud of my achievements. He loved to hear my stories about art shows, workshops, plein air painting, and travels. He would beam with joy.

My Dad lived a good life and he’s lived it his way. He retired in his early 50’s. Had more adventures than most people dream of. He was generous and we enjoyed many adventures with him. We’ve flown in his hot air balloons, sailed in his boats, backpacked and hiked the High Sierras, rode horses & motorcycles, snow skied & snowmobiled, mountain biked, travel to distant lands…and we shared more cookies and ice cream than you’d ever imagine. He had a sweet tooth!

Recently I was given a picture of my dad. I put our childhood pictures

together and noticed something. Seeing a little bit of me in his face brings me comfort. It reminds me that from the beginning he has been alive in me and that he isn't completely gone. A piece of him lives on, in me. Not only through his likeness but in my love of art, the outdoors, hiking...and cookies!

Even in my sadness I feel blessed.
Brenda





Dear Friends, Your emails and messages have been overwhelming. Thank you for all the kind words, understanding and comfort. My grief is lessened in knowing I am not alone. Thank you my friends.
Hugs, Brenda

21 comments:

  1. So very lovely. And you do resemble you dad, a lot. How lucky you have been. Linda Paupst.

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  2. I am saddened by your loss. Good thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

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  3. You have your Dad's smile, I've been told I have my Dad's smile too… I miss my Daddy even though he's been gone from my sight for over 10 years. Losing a parent is not easy, my heart goes out to you and your family in your time of grief.

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  4. So sad for your loss. I felt very moved by this post. I lost my Dad 3 years ago, we too, knew he was dying but we only had a week together with the knowledge. Stay strong.....speak of him frequently, hold him in your heart... Elizabeth YP

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  5. Blessings and peace to you and yours n such a sad loss.you are blessed to have had such a wonderful relationship with him. Such a loss. Be kind to yourself at this sad time.

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  6. A terrific tribute to your Dad. Hang in there, friend. Lee

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  7. What beautiful tributes to your father, Brenda. Such wonderful lessons and experiences you had through knowing him, and I see in the eyes of both father and daughter a kindred joyfulness. Thank you for the book recommendations. I lost my father 31 years ago, but I believe they may prove helpful as my family travels down the road that is my mom's heart disease. I wish you the very peace and comfort of the Lord.
    Susan

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  8. Dear Brenda,
    I'm so very sorry for your loss. It sounds like your father was a wonderful man and father. You have such a good way of looking at this. May you be comforted by your memories.

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  9. Dear Brenda, so sorry to know of your loss......take care.

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  10. I am so sorry for your loss. I love the photo of you and your Dad... what wonderful smiles! My deepest sympathies go to you and your family.

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  11. Oh Brenda, please accept my sympathy. How fortunate you are to have had such a wonderful father!

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  12. Brenda, Sorry for your loss. You were very lucky to have such a special person in your life, as was he.
    Charylene

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  13. Sending many prayers your way. What a beautiful blog post.

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  14. What a blessing you have been to each other. Thank you for sharing this lovely tribute.

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  15. Oh, Brenda! I lost my dad 50 years ago, on Christmas Eve. It was sudden, a heart attack, and none of us got to say goodbye. How very blessed you have been. That jagged hole will heal a bit - the edges smooth over - but the hole will always be there if you live to be a hundred. What joy there is in memory! God gave us a great gift, to remember them always, so they live on in us and those we share them with. May you feel the Everlasting Arms enfold you as you walk this road. God bless you.

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  16. Just read your beautiful thoughts on your father. I'm so sorry for your loss. Someday you will be able to think of him with less pain and the good times will give you comfort. God bless.
    Jo Ann D. (I took a class from you several years ago in VT.)

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  17. My daddio died over three years ago and I miss him so. Grief is the price of love and l will happily pay it. I believe I can hear your father's kindness in your voice.

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  19. I can understand your sadness Brenda. My mother died at age 63 in 2000, dad died at 74 in 2008. My mother passed down my love of art. She painted (watercolor), my art is needlework in all it's forms, but mostly cross stitch and crochet (yarn and thread).

    I began a journaling FB closed group on April 21, 2015 and have grown to 148 members as of today (July 9, 2015. I am going to share your blogspot with my group. I'm sure they will enjoy your art as I have.

    There is something healing in journaling art in all it's forms...your shared love of art with your dad has a healing too. Someday he will surely enjoy all the art you have created since his passing.

    Hugs to you Brenda...I feel your heart.

    ~Evon Robinson <3

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    1. Evon,
      The out pouring of love and compassion has helped a lot. I am not alone as many have shared their own stories and wisdom. ~Hugs

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