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Monday, February 8, 2021

Art of Letting Go

Again, I turn to my sketchbook as a tool for comfort and healing. I’m more comfortable
with writing then I use to be…but images are my first choice of communication. In my sketch I’m able to express myself in ways words won't do.


Last week my mother passed away suddenly in her home. She was 84 years and one day. The cutting reality is, I will never see her again on this earth. I worry my memory will fade. Sketching with pencil, pen or brush is a powerful tool. I find comfort. In a sketch I honor her memory...an act of love…time spent alone with her. My eyes carefully studying every angle and subtlety in her facial features. When I am done her image is forever burned into my mind...and then I find rest.


I found a photo of my mom that felt unposed and real. The photo was taken many years ago before illness and age left its mark and changed her (mentally and physically). Studying her face was comforting. About halfway into my sketch something was off. I tried to find the answer in the photo, but it wasn't there. I wasn't able to capture the essence that was her. Over many days I would glance at my sketch trying to see what I had missed. And then I realized, the answer was in my own face. So, I photographed my face at the same angle. Through my image I was able to finish the sketch. A piece of her is in me. My reflection, my mannerisms…my love of all things creative.


Trying to hang on to someone is like holding onto a rope that was slipping through my hands. The tighter I held on, the more painful it became… so I let go. The process of drawing my mother was healing. I grew in the process of understanding. The realization that part of her remains in me. 


Even during these never ending days and months (thanks to COVID-19) I am creative, productive and hopeful for tomorrow. Anything that stops growing begins to die and I'm still growing because I am alive!


Be well and creative,

Brenda

19 comments:

  1. Brenda, I'm so sorry for your loss. This post is a beautiful tribute, I hope you will find comfort and peace in the days ahead.

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  2. Your posts are comforting and inspiring. I'm so sorry about your loss. If your mother received one of the vaccines, please make sure that her passing is reported to VAERS. Reporting is mandatory, but a lot of doctors don't know about it. It is the only way that authorities are keeping track of reactions for these drugs that have emergency approval but have not completed clinical studies. I hope you don't mind my saying...it is very important. Thanks again for sharing your work and journey.

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    1. She never received the vaccine and died from other causes.

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  3. Thanks you for sharing such a beautiful, intimate and tender process with us. My heart goes out to you in your time of loss.

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  4. I'm sorry for your loss. This is such a beautiful blog post. Thanks for sharing at this difficult time in your life.

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  5. Hello Brenda, so sorry for your loss. The sketch and text are beautiful and a very good way to adopt this new reality. Thank you for sharing. All the best to you, Peggy

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  6. Your mom was beautiful, I'm sure both inside and out, and how wonderful that you were able to finish her portrait by using a photo of yourself which shows a connection that will never die. Prayers for you at this very tender time.

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  7. Thank you for sharing about your mom, your connection with her is beautiful. It was helpful to hear about your grieving process, thank you for sharing that too.

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  8. Brenda, I first read this on your Instagram and I just re-read it now as I have been going through your blog. I want to thank you for sharing your heart and your grief with us... reading about the process you've gone through as you let go is encouraging, and so beautiful. Your mom was blessed to have a daughter like you! I lost my mom in January so it's still very fresh in my mind, and reading this has been like a balm to my soul. Your drawing is simply beautiful! Thank you, again.

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    1. Sonia,
      Thank you for the kind words. You’re going through a lot, too. Sorry you lost your mother recently and grieving, too.
      Hugs❤️

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  9. I'm so very sorry for your loss. You (and your drawing) are a beautiful tribute to your mom. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  10. Oh Brenda, may God comfort you in the home going of your beloved mother. My mother went to heaven in 2015 and I miss her so much - she was my best and dearest friend. It is so beautiful to me that you sketched an image of her - I see the smile in her eyes and so much more. It's what you know of her that no one else sees - thank you for sharing her with me and others. Praying for comfort in this difficult time. Blessing to you, Catherine Psalm 34:18

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